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Tonight I found my wedding albumn, it had been missing for a few years, so I was happy to finally be able to locate it, and see those pictures from that cold windy day in 1992.

16 years of marriage.  Probably about 14 of them we would classify as happy.  The first year or two were tough, as we were atarting out on both our careers and our married life, but we pulled through it, moving from town to town, upgrading our living quarters, and our jobs.

It was when we hit the 14 year mark that things started to fall apart.  We’d argue most of the time, and really didn’t like each other.  The sheen was gone.  Both of us said the words “I want a divorce” at various times, and meant it.  It looked bleak.  We went for about a year sleeping in separate rooms, no longer acting as a married couple, but more like roommates.  We tried counseling, but both agreed that it was a joke and not worth continuing.  The only thing that kept us together was our child, we both wanted to be close to her.

After about a year of living like this, we decided to give it one more go, and see if we could make it work.  We both agreed on compromises, and pledged to really try.  It’s been a year now, and we’re still together, still a couple, and once again in love with each other.

Looking at those old wedding pictures, I see a couple of kids (I was 21, she 24) that have a lot of mistakes that they’re going to make, but a lot of happy times that will outweigh those bad times.

When people talk about their partner cheating on them, they immediately think of sex.  But is sex really the only form of cheating?  No, but different relationships have different boundaries, do you know where yours are?  Do you both understand where those boundaries are?

• Is it cheating for your partner to talk to someone else online, without telling you?
• Is it cheating for your partner to go to lunch / dinner with someone else, and not tell you?
• Is it cheating for your partner to masturbate to pornography?
• Is it cheating for your partner to kiss someone else?  Hold hands?  Touch someone else?
• Is it cheating for your partner to have an emotional attachment to someone of the opposite sex that they know?
• Is it cheating for your partner to flirt with members of the opposite sex?

Some people will say yes to some that others say no to.  Some couples have open relationships, where anything,except an emotional attachement to another, goes; other couples have problems when one of the partner’s eyes lingers on someone else a little bit too long.

If you’re in a relationship, talk about your boundaries, make sure that you both understand where each is coming from, don’t assume that what one thinks of a relationship is necessarily what the other thinks.

If it didn’t would there be so many companies that offer it?  From the friendship style sites, such as Yahoo Personals, to the paid match making services such as Match.com to the adult dating services such as AdultFriendFinder.com.

One couple I know met on Yahoo Personals over 6 years ago.  They married 5 years ago (I was in the wedding party) and have 2 beautiful children.  It’s fairly safe to say that without an online dating service, these 2 wouldn’t have met, let alone got married.

In these days of social networks, and virtual friends, it only bears reminding that there are people behind the avatars, and, while those people may be happy with their virtual relationships, it’s a good bet that a real relationship offers more to them, and that’s where these sites come in.  Whether they’re right for you is another matter, but if you don’t try, how will you know otherwise?

1. They lose all interest in sex, or at least sex with you.
2. They start trying new things / positions in the bedroom - now this one isn’t necessarily a sign of cheating, it could just be a sign that they recognize there’s a problem in the relationship, so they’re trying to spice things up
3. Sex no longer feels intimate - which, as in #1, could just mean that your relationship is on the rocks, rather than there being an actual affair
4. The loss of 3 little words… When was the last time your spouse said “I Love You”?  Has it decreased dramatically?
5. They call you another name - This is a big one, especially when done in an intimate moment, this shows that they are thinking of another, whether consciously or subconsciously.   Alarm bells should really be ringing here.
6. It seems as though they’re your roommate rather than your spouse - they prefer to sleep in another room.
7. They change their look, start wearing new clothes and perfume / after shave.
8. There are chunks of their time that they can’t / won’t account for, or the explanation is shoddy at best.
9. They spend a lot more time at the office (most affairs happen at work)
10. Their phone behavior is strange - they hang up when you come close, they don’t let you see the bill, or take it paperless so you can’t, or they turn it off when they’re out.